So this is what I''ve decided is what my face is going to look like for Halloween. It's more grusome than like...anything else i've been, but it's kinda cool. I gotta use these 3 tubes of fake blood somehow right? lol
( 2 more pics... )
- Music:Mario Vs Sonic
Homophobia and racism are both qually disgusting. If anyone makes any remark of those kinds you can bet I'll speak up. Rather it was directed to me or to someone else. It's wrong and i'm not going to let it slide.
And if you know me, u know i'm big on equality. So if any remark that is made offensivly and had intent to hurt someone, Im not jus going to act like its ok, cause it's not. I live in America, and here we're free, and we have equality. And wrong, is wrong. The end.
I WANT TO BE A SINGER!
I work VERY hard at it, I'm in choir, i do NYSMA (Sing a song 4 judges, so sight reading and get graded on it) and talent shows, i do the school musicals, i try very hard to improve
If I'm not singing in my future I won't be happy, I've delt with a lot of failures and dissapointment with minimum success so far, so i think I'd be able to tough it out :)
So i think Yeah, if i find a band 2 sing 4 or if I eventually do it on my own, i could have my dream job
If not, I plan on being a Music Major in college so, keeping the hope up still, it hasn't been completely destroyed lol
:)
I've been writing this fic for like...over a year now (It's only reached 17 chapters) but i don't want to officially post it anywhere until the whole thing is finished, so i figured,
I'LL JUST POST THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS HERE and if anyone read them then so be it :)
Title: I Can Be Your Superman {1-3/?}
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Ryan and Brendon have always had a close relationship, then it turns into something more. But, what if one of them isn’t being completely honest…Secrets are always kept behind closed doors.
Disclaimer: Fake
Beta: Liz!
( Part3 )
Title: “First Time” Can Mean Something Other Than Sex
Author: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
t_smallz
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: Pg-13
Summary: Teenage!Fic: Ryan get Brendon to try Jell-O-shots for the first time.
Disclaimer: The plot of this was based on what happened with me and a friend recently, other than that it’s fake!
Beta: My new Buddy: makeapanicscene
( click )
But, I know so many.
I swear my brain is programed for music.
I even know songs from the 90's when i was like, 4 lol.
5 bucks let a song come on i'll either start singing within the 1st 5 sec. or at least know the chorus.
:)
_T_Smallz
- Location:under a blanket
- Mood:
sleepy - Music:cartoons
I'm waiting for it to be excepted by the mods, so just keep an eye out.
:)
i'm dead serious.
and this is my final year on the squad, so i really wanted her to be there.
So I'm at the front of the venuse we perform at (Same place i saw Paramore at :) )
And my 2 other friends who said they would be there show up.
and it goes like this:
Me: "Hey guys, where's Alicia?"
(Alicia is my best friend)
Them: "Oh...about her...
me: "Yeah...
Them: "She's at Coreys house...making out with him."
Me: "So she's with that ass whole! After he broke her heart...she picked him over me..."
Them: "THat's what we said...she was claiming she was sick."
Me: "Umm Hmmm...I'll remember that.
so that was the story...she ditched me for her BF and lied about it.
so...idk...i've pretty much forgiven her for and we're still cool.
she's at a comp. in Deleware right now.
<3
loves
Title: A beautiful ending to such a tragedy
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: R (Character Death)
Summary: Brendon sensed something wasn’t quite right…something slightly off with Miss Keltie. Ryan told him to stop trying to ruin their relationship; that he was just jealous because Ryan wasn’t fucking him. Well…that changed quickly.
Disclaimer: A/N: This was inspired by the song Wine Red by The Hush Sound; it’s explained why in the story.
( Read more... )
</div>( Read more... )
The day Keltie broke young Ryan’s heart.
She said she wasn’t in love with him anymore.
She said they could still be friends, and Ryan just nodded before seeing her out and proceeded to cry in his room.
****************************************
The next day Brendon noticed Ryan wasn’t his normal, happy self.
“Ry, what’s wrong?”
“You were fucking right.”
“Um…about?”
“About that bitch of a girlfriend I had.”
“Had? What happened?”
“She broke up with me…and…”
There was a brief pause…
“And…?” Brendon asked.
“And…she was fucking around…that fucking slut.”
“Ry, I’m sorry.”
Ryan just sat there and looked at his cup of coffee.He stood up and started to walk to the back of the tour bus, into the bunks.
“Ry, if you need to talk, I’m here…”
“Yeah, Bren.”
“I mean at least we’re on tour again right?”
“Yeah, Bren.” Ryan placed his cup in the sink and went to his bunk.
Brendon watched as this depressed and disoriented figure moved his way to the bunks and slammed the door.
He wondered if Ryan would ever get over this. It pained him to see him like this…all, not himself. Brendon wished he could just fix everything.
****************************************
Brendon went into Ryan’s bunk later that day, just to see if he wrote anything new in his notebook. Ryan was drinking his usual coffee. He opened it up and found little lines written down, nothing to extravagant, just words Ryan writes when he’s looking for inspiration. Brendon found some of the older ones, the ones that gave them some of the songs on their album, and just others, to be quite cute:
True love, isn’t a fairy tale. True love like ours is worth so much more than diamond rings.
Or
In the middle of summer, all was golden in the sky.
But, some of the new ones Brendon found quite disturbing:
There’s no longer a reason for me to continue breathing.
Or
I’ll become like my past and kill my pain with a bottle.
And some of the new ones Brendon found, just, saddening:
Her eyes lit up my world, now I’m left in the dark.
Or
I’m not the person I used to be, she took that part of me with her.
Brendon started to cry, quietly.
He couldn’t believe Ryan was in this much pain.
Ryan came into the room and Brendon tried to act like he was fine… didn’t work.
“Brendon…what are you doing?”
“Just um…” he had to think up a decent lie here, “I was…listening to you I-Pod.”
Brendon picked the head phones up and put them into his ear.
Who shot the arrow in your throat? Who missed the crimson apple? And there is discord in the garden tonight..
“Wine Red…that’s a real bring-me-upper Ryan,” Brendon tried to lighten the mood.
“Give me the damn I-Pod and get the fuck out,” Ryan said, snatching his notebook from next to Brendon and reaching out for the I-Pod.
Brendon gave it over and saw mixed emotions in Ryan’s eyes as he did. A mix of anger and intense sadness filled the glazed, honey-amber colored eyes, that stared daggers through his sole.
Brendon could barley keep his own composure as he left the room and fell into a sobbing mess on the couch, hating to see his friend in so much pain. Brendon thought he’s starting to feel worse about this whole situation than Ryan is.
****************************************
Ryan’s mood hadn’t changed. In fact, his band members noticed it getting worse.
All he ever did was wake up, sit at the table, drink his coffee, then go into the abyss he called his bunk. He stayed there all day and didn’t talk to anyone. Just, scribblled in his notebooks and listened to his I-Pod.
Brendon started to get worried about him.
He creeped into the room, and pulled back the curtain to Ryan’s bunk slowly.
“Ryan? You okay bud?”
He sat next to Ryan, cautiously, hoping to maybe get somewhere with this.
“What the fuck do you think?”
Brendon just stared at Ryan and Ryan just stared at Brendon.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
“Ryan, come on. You’ve been so damn depressed lately. Please just tell me what’s on your mind.” Brendon brushed the hair out of Ryan’s face.
“Brendon…I…I really don’t think I can deal with this.”
“I’m here, I can help you.”
“I don’t think you can…it’s just…I feel so...alone.”
“It’ll help, keep going”
“I loved her…and she just…” Ryan’s eyes started to dwell up with tears.
Brendon gripped Ryan into a hug, holding onto him slightly.
Ryan took comfort in Brendon just holding him like that, he felt less alone.
“And I’m stuck on this damn tour bus all day, with nothing to do but be consumed by thoughts of her,” Ryan whispered into Brendon’s chest.
“Let’s go somewhere,” Brendon suggested.
“And just where are we going to go?” Ryan sniffled and sat up.
“…Away.”
When the bus pulled to a stop at the city where their show was tomorrow, Brendon and Ryan walked for about an hour under the dark sky to a small, hidden little park.
It was quiet and there was a small circle of trees that engulfed the two boys as they walked through it.. Finally arriving at the center of this secluded place, they looked around, taking it all in. There was a cliff about 100 feet away from them that over-looked the distance. They walked over to it.
“It’s so beautiful Bren.”
“I’m glad you’re showing an emotion other then depression.”
Ryan looked up with those eyes, the ones filled with so much hate, regret, sadness, and still even maybe a little love.
“I’m glad you care,” Ryan whispered and rested his head on Brendon’s shoulder.
Brendon wrapped his arm around Ryan’s waist and led him over to a tree that gave them an excellent view of the water down below, and they sat underneath it.
“Ryan, I want you to talk to me.. And I mean, really talk.”
“Well…what do you want me to say?”
“Just, how are you? Have you been doing any better whatsoever?”
“Yes…” Ryan inhaled, realizing that sounded faker than special effects in a horror movie.
“Ryan, don’t lie! I read your fucking notebook, now you tell me, now!”
“Why the hell would you do that? What I write in there is personal. Your eyes don’t need to be going through it!”
“Why Ryan? Too afraid someone might sense something’s wrong and try to help?”
“I don’t need your fucking help! I was fine before I knew you, I’ll be fine now.”
Ryan stood up and started to walk away.
“Ryan!” Brendon grabbed Ryan’s wrist, spinning him back around, facing him, “talk.”
“Brendon, let me go.”
“I’m not letting go.”
“Brendon please, just fucking let me go!”
By this time Ryan had tears sliding down his cheeks.
“No Ryan. I’m not letting you go. I’m not like everyone else who just leaves you all alone to fucking fend for yourself!” Brendon started to cry as well, talking through light sobs, “I’m here, I care. And no I didn’t have the right to read your notebook, but who knows where you’d be if I didn’t? Probably in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning. Is that what you want Ryan? To be like your father? I don’t want to loose you like that.”
Ryan started to break down, clinging onto Brendon as he completely fell apart, crying and sobbing in Brendon’s embrace.
“I…know. Brendon, I really can’t deal with this. It’s too fucking much. I felt so loved...and, and now I’m so, so fucking alone.” Ryan managed to get out in between sobs.
“You have me Ry,” Brendon said tilting Ryan’s head up so their eyes met.
Brendon brushed his thumb under Ryan’s eyes, wiping away the tears that fell. He leaned down and kissed Ryan’s lips, causing him to whimper a little. The sudden contact making Ryan feel…safe.
They pulled apart and Brendon said softly between them, “I hate to see you this way. You really break my heart Ross.”
“You know I’d never really…not like that anyway” Ryan said, referring to what he wrote in his notebooks about ending his life with a bottle.
“So you’d still commit suicide, just not like that, is that what you’re telling me?” Brendon asked in an angered voice that he tried to keep clam.
“I…yes I guess. Brendon, I just don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy. I see one of my best friends falling apart before my eyes.”
“I just feel like there’s nothing left.”
“All this just because Keltie left you?”
“That…and everything.”
“Continue,” Brendon grabbed Ryan’s hand and they sat back underneath the tree.
“I hate the pressure of having to deliver this album and I hate having to constantly be someone I’m tired of being and…the one thing that makes me happy, I’m afraid of driving away. But at the same time keep that thing at a distance.”
“That thing being?” Brendon asked as he snuggled his nose into Ryan’s hair. He smelled of vanilla and cinnamon; such a sweet smell, for a sweet, sad boy.
“You,” Ryan said, so quietly under his breath it was nearly inaudible.
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You actually care. You show obvious emotion towards me. And I…I love you for it.” Ryan said, the last part looking straight into Brendon’s eyes.
Brendon turned so that he was straddling Ryan, and leant down to kiss him, a little rougher than the first time.
“I love you too Ryan.”
Brendon placed his head on Ryan’s shoulder and Ryan tilted his head so that it rested in the crook of Brendon’s neck. He listened to Brendon’s heart beat and felt a sense of serenity.
Brendon sat up, “Come on,” he said and grabbed Ryan’s wrists.
They walked back over to the edge of the cliff and looked out at the water in the night air.
“I like the way the moon is scattered through the waves in the water, kind of like your soul,” Brendon said holding on tightly to Ryan.
“I want to be with you forever,” Ryan said, with all sincerity coming across clearly in his voice.
“I want to be with you forever too,” Brendon said looking down at Ryan and how happy he suddenly was.
He would never dream of taking this happiness away form him. Brendon finally took the frown away from Mister Ross’ face and replaced it with a smile. He truly wanted to be Ryan’s forever, but he knew Ryan wouldn’t be able to deal with the media vultures that would pry him apart. Brendon knew Ryan was private and someone trying to tarnish or pry into his personal life would hurt him equally as bad as he was hurt earlier.
Brendon started to sway with Ryan.
Just to the sounds of the wind, as they looked off into the distance.
Then Brendon started to sing, and did Ryan ever love his voice.
“The Sea is Wine Red; this is the death of beauty.”
“I love you Brendon,” Ryan said, listening to his beautiful voice.
Brendon held onto Ryan tightly as he careened both of them off the edge of the cliff.
“I love you too. This way we’ll be together forever,” Brendon said to Ryan as they fell to the rocky ice waters below.
Together forever, never loosing the smiles, and never alone.
A beautiful ending to such a tragedy.
How i perseve things.
The way i feel towards certain people.
In general emotions.
It's fragil and frail.
But, you probably wouldn't think that.
When was the last time you saw me cry?
Not in a very long time.
So the fact I'm shedding tears over this should say something to you but does it?
No!
Because it's a matter of money, not a matter of emotion.
Which is why i tend not to show any.
So obviously you enjoy seeing me in pain.
Enjoy making me miserable, getting my hopes up and smashing them to millions of little pieces.
I FUCKING DON'T!
I hate going through these preventable roller-coasters of emotions because your too stupid to listen to one damn thing i have to say!
So, no i don't think this is stupid, because this is the only thing my life consists of and you should be ashamed of your self for trying to take that away.
I don't take away your ciggarettes
i don't take away your Poker
i don't take away you Horse Racing
I don't take away your late night trips
I don't ask for very much
But to you i do, because it's all about costs.
Never about who truely pays the cost.
I really wish you could understand how badly this hurts me.
But i wouldn't dare cry in front of you. Allow you to see how baldy you've broken me down.
And whenever i try to just flat out tell you.
you avoid the situation and tell me to go elsewhere.
I'm glad your not here tonight, and your out somewhere else (Avoiding me as usual)
Cause I'd through up at the sight of your face.
You disregarde what makes me happy
By being a master pacrastinator
Well, guess what?
You've put me off for too long.
So, don't balme me when you find out things about me you wish you never knew.
because really, the balmes on you.
Yes, something so simple, that you just won;t give to me.
Means the world to me dad.
This one concert is all...yes i know...such a small thing causes so much drama you're thinking...
But when you devote your life to music, so much that your grades drop, you forget to do outside of school work, homework is less important, you've lost contact with some of your friends, loose closeness with your family, and really lost all want for anything other than music.
Trust me, it;s as if your...wrapping the nuse around me kneck and dangling me from a tree, when you say i can't go see this show...
you really wouldn't get it, becuase your so nieve and so self-centered...
i mean, it's not that i'm not greatful for all i've been given..it's that when you feel you only have one thing to truely live for, you have to live it out to the fullest.
you have to experience every part of it you can.
but you really wouldn't get that.
You just continue to work your crap-ass job, doing something you hate, wanting me to turn out better.
But how can i turn out better when you discuriging everything i've ever believed in.
telling me i'll never make it?
you just really DON'T get it.
and you never will,
One day you'll open your ears and truely hear me.
THe pain in my voice, from being so obssessed and having everything torn away form me.
i probably sound like a stupid spoiled bitch, but...
this means so much to me, and for you to laugh at it like it;s nothing and block me out and go do something else...how am i supposed to react?
Well, you really don't get this...
maybe when your not able to do something that means the equiviant of life to you...
or maybe when you even find something that means the equivilant of life to you...
you'll understand me!
T_Smallz
2-17-08
- Mood:
depressed
WAS AWESOME!
AMAZINGLY GREAT I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU!
BUT I WILL...
So, i get there and it's lie FREEZING cold and i have on capris and i have to wait in line b4 i can go inside and the line goes in front of the arena, around the corner and down the side of the arena. i finally get in and i have GA elevated tickets so i get to sit up there wherever, and i sit at the closet possible seat available to the stage. i had good seats though.
so CIWWAF played first, they were awesome, i only knew their single so i only rocked out to that song, but they were fun to wath, so energetic. no one near me knew the words so they were all stairing at me. i was thinking if your going to see a band, at least know the single!:yes:
Then PLain White T's Played.
they had some SERIOUSE diehard fans there man.
The crowd went crazy when they came on.
When they played hey there Delilah, you could hear the crowd over them. I rocked out when they played Our Time Now, it was cool.
Then Gym Class heroes played after them and they SET IT OFF! it was so crazy like the crowd was loosing it for them.
i was like the only one were i was sitting that knew the words to ANY of the songs played so far ecept 4 hey there delihla...
They played Cupids Chokehold 1st and i was having a ball singing with that song.
And Travis was all "If ur sexy and you know it clpa your hands...If your sexy and you know it clap your hands...If your sexyandyouwanttomakeoutwithmeinthetourbu
god i loved him even more after that!
Then he went on about how they don't make girls anywhere else like they do in upstate new york, that we're all so sey, but he was looking for the Queens that night then they played the queen and i!
They did a song dedicated 2 all the parent there that night.
Travis was all "Okay, you know what parents you should be proud of yourselves for doing this 4 your kids. I want you guys to take a day off tomarro. Don't go to work just sit at home watch football or lifetime movies whatever you do...you deserve it!" it was cute!
They played Shoot down the stars, which was cute cause he talked about how his brother or cousin had just died and then he was all "Damn i miss him, we'll always remember him"
and then he played a little bit of music for us to dance too cause "we weren't the Rochester he remembered."
so we all got up and danced to a lil intrumental.
A lil bit later they played clothes off nad right before they played the song, Travis was all "You know what, it's getting a little hot in here...and desperate times call for desperate measures..." and he started stripping on stage! <omg> Then they played clothes off, and towards the end, Patrick comes Prancing, literally prancing, onto the stage and sang with them! <I went teenie 4 Patrick> i mean i was screaming so damn loud! omg!
Then FOB came on and i was loosing my last mind. I was unleashing teenie screams form here to england (You might have heard me) lol!
Then Andy played the begining of SWGD and we all screamed, then he stopped...Then he did it agaon and we screamed and he stopped...then he did it again and we screamed and they all started playing and the giant curtain fell so we couls see the stage and we ROARED with sheering and then i rocked out some more.
I was having so much fun but the people around me were not even moving like...the people near me stood there and watched, they didn't jump, head bang, or even sing the words. I was jumping, head banging, screaming along with Patrick...it was so cool.
When they played Grand Theft Autumn, these 2 girls near me looked at me like i was crazy when they started singing and i sung with them, they had NO CLUE What they song even was!
THey were there for Pete and only Pete! During the part where it goes "He wont find out..." Tom from Plain White T's came on and sang with Patrick. that was cool.
Whrn they did this ain't a sceen the screens had the words pop up in big letters "GOD- DAMN- ARMS- RACE!"
AND WHEN Patrick stopped singing the crowd was saying it so loud! And right before the chorus cut in, HUGE pyro flames went off, it was sooooo cool! And Travis came out and rapped in part of it...
i felt bad for Andy cause i was in Arena seats and i could feel the heat from those things and he had them on either side of him...
Pete started a mosh pit!
He called someone out form the back, i forget who, and he went out into the crowd and formed a mosh pit.
Like this thing was fucking huge dude, like imagine 2-3 public swimming pools put together...that big!
Then before their cover of mister Brightside, Pete was all
"Have you ever looked through you bf or gf's cell phone to see who they've been texting?" like 30 people raise there hands..."There's more of you than that, put your hands in the air you fucking liars!"
he was mad funny!
After he was all "You know how Travis told you to take a day off, well when you boss comes calling asking where you are be like "Travis said take a day off Fuck You" and hang up!"
lol! i love Pete!
They played no body puts baby in a corner acoustically... so awesome! They played the after life of the party, me and you, our lawyer mad us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued, dance, dance, XO, WELL, the set list is on icecreamheadaches: {url="http://icecreamhdaches.livejournal.c
they didn't play all of the songs on there but it was pretty close...
Then they ended it with Saturday and i almost cried cause it was so cute!
Patrick sang his heart out, Pete <took his hoodie off>& went into the crowd to scream his part, and it was amazing!
and as he was screaming and Patrick was singing, confetti* POURED onto us! I really almost cried! Pyro was going off like crazy and was being stared at for jumping up and down!
Then the song came to an end and Pete took his shirt off <yes, I went teenie for Pete Wentz, but he actually looked good that night!>
Then i grabed a piece of confetti and brought it with me,
OMG! On the way out, Demar and Mike from PWT's walked past my car, like they were so close to me, they went to their tour bus and were all "Nobody's there...:" i felt kinda bad for them until these people just walked up into the bus!
most people were at the FOB bus!
i didn't get home until 2am. and had to wake up at 6! i was not happy!
BUt i loved it and i wish i could follow them around the States on tour...it would be a thrill of a life time!
i wish i got 2 go 2 the secret show2, that would've made me ecstatic
IT WAS AMAZINGLY AWESOME!
"It's hot in here..."
"No, I think it's you."
"yeah..." :|
They were giving out FULL Sized Candy Bars.!!!
I was ATTEMPTING, but miserably failed at Scene Queen!
Liz was a gypsy!
and we went up to this house into which was having a party and there were some hot guys there from our school and Liz felt so embarressed she just stood there. I was all "I'm glad I atleast look normal."
This sounds like SOOO much fun... :(
- Mood:
cold
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