Living for Broken Dreams (Failure brings Success)

HALLOWEEN MAKEUP!

2009-10-31T04:39:40Z

So this is what I''ve decided is what my face is going to look like for Halloween. It's more grusome than like...anything else i've been, but it's kinda cool. I gotta use these 3 tubes of fake blood somehow right? lol

Writer's Block: Yes, offense taken

2009-10-26T02:41:13Z

If a friend or relative makes a racist or homophobic remark, do you tend to confront them or let it slide? Are you more likely to confront them if it offends you directly or someone else who seems reluctant to speak up?

View 1558 Answers

Homophobia and racism are both qually disgusting. If anyone makes any remark of those kinds you can bet I'll speak up. Rather it was directed to me or to someone else. It's wrong and i'm not going to let it slide.

And if you know me, u know i'm big on equality. So if any remark that is made offensivly and had intent to hurt someone, Im not jus going to act like its ok, cause it's not. I live in America, and here we're free, and we have equality. And wrong, is wrong. The end.

Writer's Block: My Dream Job

2009-09-14T20:07:57Z

I WANT TO BE A SINGER!

I work VERY hard at it, I'm in choir, i do NYSMA (Sing a song 4 judges, so sight reading and get graded on it) and talent shows, i do the school musicals, i try very hard to improve
If I'm not singing in my future I won't be happy, I've delt with a lot of failures and dissapointment with minimum success so far, so i think I'd be able to tough it out :)

So i think Yeah, if i find a band 2 sing 4 or if I eventually do it on my own, i could have my dream job
If not, I plan on being a Music Major in college so, keeping the hope up still, it hasn't been completely destroyed lol
:)

New Fic! (I Can Be Your Superman)

2009-08-24T23:09:11Z

I've been writing this fic for like...over a year now (It's only reached 17 chapters) but i don't want to officially post it anywhere until the whole thing is finished, so i figured,
I'LL JUST POST THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS HERE and if anyone read them then so be it :)

Title: I Can Be Your Superman {1-3/?}
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Ryan and Brendon have always had a close relationship, then it turns into something more. But, what if one of them isn’t being completely honest…Secrets are always kept behind closed doors.
Disclaimer: Fake
Beta: Liz!

It was another great performance. They performed to a sold out crowd and won their affection. They left the stage to a sea of screaming fans and made their way to the dressing rooms.

“What the hell was that?” Ryan asked wiping the non-existent sweat off his face,

“What the hell was what?” Brendon questioned taking a swig from his water bottle.

“You know exactly what I mean Urie.”

“Why Ryan…whatever do you speaketh of?” Brendon mocked in a girly tone.

“Fuck you,” Ryan replied sending daggers with his eyes directly back at Brendon.

“Oh…you mean the whole “Dudes included thing?”
Ryan played with his shoe strings

“And I’m more than happy to take you up on that offer Ross.” Brendon swayed his hip in his best attempt to be sexy.

“Well…yeah,” Ryan started, “Wait what?”

Brendon gave a small chuckle, “You really do amuse me sometimes Ross…your cluelessness is kinda cute.”

“Um…thanks.”

“Well, then again, so is the fact your bringing back the hair style you had when you were seven.”

“Ha-ha, Brendon Urie’s a fucking comedian ladies and gentlemen.” Ryan crossed his arms, for dramatic effect of course.

“Aww, this is cuter! Ryan is jealous. Ryan wants me all to himself and is a little threatened by me propositioning a few guys.”

“You’re such a bitch, Bren.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. I’m going to take a…”

“FIRST SHOWER!” Jon yells and practically sprints his way to the bathroom, slams the door and locks it.

“Ryan…Jon’s a bitch.”

Ryan laughs, “Yeah, tell me about it,” he said sarcastically.

~************************************************************************~

Later on the bus that evening Ryan and Brendon were watching a movie in the back lounge, Spencer and Jon had went to go get some coffee, Ryan was on his lap top, not really paying attention to the movie. Brendon was on his, but he was actually watching the movie. God forbid he missed Alvin and the Chipmunks.

“You know what Brendon?” Ryan asked, looking at his lap top.

“What Ryan?” Brendon answered, face glued to the singing woodland creatures.

“I’ll bet you like, 200 bucks you’re going to be known as bi-sexual by at least 5,000 people by tomorrow.”

“Ryan, seriously, it was a show in the UK. I mean, only like 10 people probably recorded it, and probably out of those 10, maybe, just MAYBE one would post the video. And I mean, it might get looked at like 100 times. You know, it’s not like we have fans that would post the video on, Live Journal or whatever, and then 5,000 people or whatever the hell it was you said, look at it then BAM my secrets out.”

“Well, apparently you don’t know our fans.”

“What kind of people have no life that they can sit and post videos of me on websites?”

“You.”

“Excuse moi?”

“Yeah, Bren I mean, all you do is sit in front of these damn screens all day.”

“It’s not all day. I do have a job you know, I sing in a band called Panic at the Disco, into which you’re the guitarist of remember? And besides, that’s different.”

“Explain to me how, exactly. If anything, that’s worse. You’re in a major rock band, and you still have time to waste away on computers”

“…fine…you win. It’s those damn Beatles powers you got man. You listen to one album and BAM.”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that right?”

“Please, you love it.” Brendon said sticking his tongue out afterwards for effect.

“Yeah, in the same way I love being asked about that damn exclamation point.”

“That was hurtful.”

“You’re such a kid.”

Brendon ignored the last comment, and instead focused on the days events.
He really was thinking how pissed off Ryan seemed earlier, even though he knew Ryan was playing, Brendon could see the anger brewing behind his eyes.

“Ryan…did I really upset you earlier?” Brendon knew they had a playful relationship and all, but he knew there wasn’t a “relationship” so to speak there. Brendon would have no problems with the whole friends with benefits thing, but he doesn’t see that happening…well…it might.

“What are you talking abo- oh, with the whole guys included thing…not really.”

“Ryan, try not to sit here and lie to my face. You seemed upset.”

“Well it’s just I don’t take a liking to the boy I guessikindasortalike, offering himself to a bunch of underage boys.”

“Well, they’re mostly underage girls.”

“Well…you know what I mean.”
“So you really like me?” Brendon took a sip of his beer that was sitting on the table.
“Yeah, well I guess so, I don’t know.”

Brendon set his beer down, stood up and walked over to Ryan and hopped on the couch, straddling the older man.

“Hey, um expensive lap top Bren, watch it please.”
Brendon took the lap top off Ryan and set it on the table.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? It’s no fun looking back on times I picked on you when you really were enjoying it,” Brendon said looking down at Ryan.

“More like torture. I had to sit there and act like I was annoyed when I wanted to slam you against the wall and fuck you until you went through it.”

“My, my, my where did this dirty mouth come from Ryan Ross? You should use it more often.”

“Oh really? Well how about, I think you’re so fucking sexy straddling my lap like that. It kinda makes me wish we didn’t have these damn clothes on so you could um, ‘ride my dick’. ”

“Oh ha ha… But, I don’t think that’s gonna happen tonight, but maybe in the future.”

Brendon got up to leave and Ryan pulled him back down on his lap.

“And where do you think you’re going.”

“Well, I was going to go to sleep now, if you don’t mind.”

“Well, I only mind a little, but my dick is really missing your apple bottom right about now.”

“Oh, I bet ‘princess’ misses this apple bottom.”

Brendon laughed lightly and managed to break away from Ryan.

“Fuck you okay!”

“What ever banana pants, I thought I made it clear already, I don’t want to fuck you…yet.”

Brendon laughed and ran back to the couch he was sitting on, Ryan threw a pillow at him, but his aim was off and he hit Brendon’s hand causing his beer to spill all over his lap and on the floor.

“Shit,” Ryan said, grabbing a towel and walking over to Brendon in an attempt to clean up the mess he was responsible for.

Just then Spencer and Jon came back with the coffee.

“Um…Guys? What the hell?” Spencer asked as soon as he stepped through the door.

“I second this,” Jon added.

See, what Jon and Spencer walked into was Ryan, on his knees in front of Brendon, rubbing his hand in the crotch of Brendon’s jeans. And it didn’t help that Brendon had his head thrown back and was making squealing noises.

“It is SO not what it looks like,” Ryan said, standing up, throwing the beer drenched towel on the table.

“Sure Ryan,” Spence started, “That’s what they all say.”

“No seriously.” Brendon to the rescue, “Ryan chucked a pillow at me, and he knocked the beer over and it spilled in my lap and on the floor, he was just helping clean it up.”

“And that caused you to squeal like a girl?” Spencer continued.

“No, he knocked over ice cold beer into my lap. I think it was a proper reaction. Thank you very much.” Brendon huffed, cheeks flushed. He walked over and sat down at the kitchen table.

“Where’s my damn coffee, considering I no longer have a beer?” Brendon asked, searching through the bag like a pirate hunting for treasure. “Aha, found it! French vanilla iced cappuccino with 2 shots of espresso, two pumps of chocolate, whipped cream, caramel and a cherry,” Brendon said and popped the cherry into his mouth with a girlish squeal. Ryan joined him at the table grabbing his normal, simple coffee with two creams and two sugars.

“You know Bren, one of these days you’re going to take a sip of one of those things and slip into a diabetic coma,” Jon said taking a seat next to Brendon, Spencer taking a seat near Ryan.

“Oh so you quote Wentz now?”

“Just a coincidence,” Jon said sipping his drink.

Brendon squirmed in his seat a little. The way a four-year-old does when they have to go pee.

“Are you okay Bren?” Ryan asked.

“Jon, could you excuse me please?” Brendon asked politely.

Jon stood up and Brendon rushed off to the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

“You wanna stay and wait for him?” Spencer suggested.

“No. You guys can go to sleep. He might be a while. He is a little wound on the coffee. I’ll be out here watching the rest of this movie anyway so, I’ll make sure he doesn’t die.”

Spencer and Jon laughed and went to their bunks to sleep.

“Bren, you okay in there?”
Ryan called as he made his way to the couch where he turned off the Chipmunks and switched channels to Sweeny Todd.
No answer.

“Bren?” Ryan called a little louder.
Still no answer.

“Brendon!” Ryan all but shouted.

“GOD RYAN!” Brendon sent a yell/moan from behind the bathroom door.

Little to Ryan’s knowledge Brendon was jacking off. And yes, him screaming ‘Brendon’ just sent him over the edge.

I Can Be Your Superman {2/?}
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Ryan and Brendon have always had a close relationship, then it turns into something more. But, what if one of them isn’t being completely honest…Secrets are always kept behind closed doors.
Disclaimer: Fake
Beta: Liz!

When Brendon finally came out of the bathroom, Ryan was sitting on the couch watching the ending of the movie.

“So, Bren. What the hell was that about?”

“What was what about?”

“Your little leaving the table, running to the bathroom, and taking like 20 minutes, fiasco you had going on here?”

“Oh…I um…I just had to pee really bad and I left.” Brendon thinks hopefully his little lie would work.

“Oh, so all you did was pee?” Ryan asked, staring directly at Brendon.

“Yeah, of course.” This might not work, Brendon thought to himself.

“Okay, since when does it take you 20 minutes to pee?”

Damn it he fucking got me, Brendon thought again, to himself.

“Since…I drunk a lot today.” Brendon figured he’d go with his lie, that’s going down hill so fast he’s surprised it hasn’t caught fire.

“Okay, and you accuse me of being a bad liar?” Ryan said, realizing what had really happened in the bathroom, but he wanted to hear Brendon admit to it.

“Whatever, Ry.” Brendon started swaying lightly from foot to foot, as he anxiously stood near the bathroom door.

“No. There is no whatever. What was with that pretty little moan of my name? I suppose you just always do that when you’re taking a leak?”

“No…I…could you drop it please?” Brendon’s cheeks crept with blush.

“Come on, I know you were jacking off Brendon. Was I what got you all hot and bothered?” Ryan stood up and walked over to Brendon.

“Helping clean off the beer?” He continued, and rubbed his hand on the spot where the beer had spilt, the stain still there. Just so happened said spot was conveniently located on Brendon’s dick.

“Ry…”

“What Bren?” Brendon bucked his hips forward at the mention of his name in that voice Ryan was using.

“Oh, I see,” Ryan said leaning in close to Brendon’s ear, “Is that what got you off, Brendon?”
Brendon let out a light moan.

“Ryan…stop,” Brendon said in a near whisper. He didn’t mean it, not really.

“You got off on me screaming your name?” Ryan nibbled on Brendon’s ear lobe gently.

Brendon nodded. “Th-the way you said it…”

“Brendon,” Ryan said in a breathy voice.

“Ryan…god, please…you can’t…stop.”

“Why Brendon?” Ryan questioned licking trails up and down Brendon’s neck causing Brendon to shudder and moan under his touch. “I thought you wanted me to fuck you. I want to so bad, Brendon. I want you to ride me on the table until it fucking breaks, Bren.”
All Brendon could do was grind his hips into Ryan’s touch.
“I want more, Bren.” Ryan moved his hands to Brendon’s belt buckle and started to undo it.

“No, Ryan, I can’t do this,” Brendon said, pushing Ryan away, and running off to his bunk. “I’m sorry,” Brendon added, shutting the door and curling up in his bunk, his eyes beginning to water.

There are some things that Ryan just wouldn’t understand.

__________________________________________
*~*
__________________________________________

The next day Brendon woke up and figured there would be some sort of explanation needed. He walked into the lounge and sat next to Ryan on the couch.

“…Morning, Ry,” Brendon said sheepishly, figuring he’d try to start a normal conversation.

“Brendon…why?”

“Why what exactly?” Brendon replied

“I sit there and confess that I like you, you admit you like me, I go to touch you and you leave. What’s up?” Ryan asked, expecting an answer.

“Nothing was up…I just…I didn’t, couldn’t….it’s complicated, Ry.” Brendon bit his lip.

“You look so damn adorable when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Bite your lip like that. You’re so innocent. It kills me.”

Brendon blushed at Ryan’s words.

“I’m kinda glad you didn’t let me go any further. I’d hate to spoil that,” Ryan said, standing up and walking into the kitchen.
Brendon sat there wondering exactly what Ryan meant. They both were very well aware Brendon wasn’t a virgin, he did drugs, got drunk, so what did Ryan mean by innocence?

“Ryan, you wouldn’t be spoiling anything. I’m not that innocent. I…I just think we might need to wait a little longer before we do anything. I mean, we only realized we liked each other last night.”
Ryan smiled up at Brendon.

“That’s exactly what I meant by innocence, Bren. You have that state of mind where you want to wait. You don’t want to rush things. I don’t want to be the one who makes you do something you’re not quite ready for and ruin everything.”

Brendon’s mouth hung open slightly, “Who said I wasn’t ready for it? I practically let you give me a hand job through my jeans. Trust me, I could fuck you right now.”

“Oh really?” Ryan scooted closer to Brendon. “Do it then. I’m right here, Brendon,” Ryan said the last part breathily in Brendon’s ear like he did last night. “Fuck me.”

Brendon let out a subtle moan.

“Ryan. I would. I want to…GOD how I want to. I just…please just let me go.”

“Why Bren? Why do you just keep backing out?” Ryan asked.

“Ry…please.” Brendon’s eyes were pleading more than he was. Ryan didn’t mean to upset Brendon like this. It really wasn’t his intention.

“Bren, I just wish you would be a little more…affectionate.”

“Fuck you,” Brendon said before running into the bathroom.

Title: I Can Be Your Superman {3/?}
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: Hard R- NC-17
Summary: Ryan and Brendon have always had a close relationship, then it turns into something more. But, what if one of them isn’t being completely honest…Secrets are always kept behind closed doors.
Disclaimer: FAKE!
Beta: Liz

It’s been a month. A month and the only progression Ryan and Brendon’s relationship, well the physical aspects, have made is to hardcore make out sessions, shirts on, then rubbing each other off through their jeans, or they’d just go to their own respected bunks and jerk off.
That’s where they are now. Making out in Brendon’s bunk.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick all week. Let me make it up to you,” Brendon said earlier that night after an interview.
This was great and all but, Ryan wanted more. Ryan needed more.

“Brendon?” Ryan asked, breaking their lips apart, “More Brendon. More please,” Before attacking

Brendon’s mouth with his own. Brendon arched his back and ground his hips up to Ryan’s, moaning at Ryan’s begging and saying his name in that damn sexy voice he uses when he’s trying to be convincing.

“What…what do you want Ry?”

“You. Just, mmm, fuck, Bren,” Ryan said as Brendon bit down on his neck. Sucking and licking around the freshly made mark. “Bren…Bren, blow me please.” Ryan pleaded, grinding his hips down onto Brendon’s. Ryan leaned down taking Brendon’s bottom lip into his mouth, sucking and biting on it until Brendon flipped them over.

“Tell me how bad you want this,” Brendon demanded, rubbing Ryan’s erection through his jeans.

“Bad Brendon, really fucking bad, please…please, just…uuuuugh,” Ryan whined/pleaded with Brendon for more contact.

Brendon undid the button on Ryan’s jeans then he unzipped the zipper so slowly Ryan let out a cry. An actual cry,

“Brendon, please. Stop teasing.”

Brendon slid the jeans down to Ryan ankles and looked up at the boy, splayed beneath him, hard and wanting. The moon shown in through the windows and it glistened off the sweat that covered Ryan’s body. ‘He shimmers’ Brendon thought as he moved his hand down Ryan’s hip, sweeping his fingers over the light brown hairs that linger close by.

“B, Bren,” Ryan said, bucking his hips up. Brendon had never seen anything this beautiful in his life. The way Ryan’s rough angles and protruding bones were covered with a layer of the most delicate porcelain skin he had ever laid eyes on.

“What, Bren?” Ryan asked as he noticed Brendon just staring at him.

Brendon drew his eyes from Ryan’s body up to the boys honey brown eyes, which also glimmered in the moon light,

“You’re an angel without wings,” Brendon said before kissing the older boy.

Brendon scooted back down Ryan’s body and took his cock in his hand. He moved at a very slow pace, which caused Ryan to moan and grunt in ways that begged Brendon to go faster, to just do more.
Brendon leaned his head forward and slipped his tongue out and licked at the head. Swirling the pre-come around before sucking it into his mouth and swallowing.

“Bren, if you only knew how hot you look,” Ryan said in a loud whisper.

Brendon sucked the head into his mouth, earning a rather loud moan from Ryan. He continued to suck, and twirl his tongue around the slit. Making Ryan an incoherent mess beneath him. Brendon took him in further and sucked harder.

“Bren, please, I’m so close,” Ryan said, hip bucking up a little, careful not to gag Brendon.

Brendon pulled off and continued to work his hand along Ryan. Brendon could tell Ryan was about to come, so he leaned down a gave a quick lick to the head of Ryan’s cock, sending him over the edge, and coming all over Brendon’s face. Once Ryan had calmed down slightly, Brendon scooted up Ryan’s body and sat on his stomach. Brendon twirled his tongue around his mouth, licking Ryan’s come off of his face.

“You taste good, Ry,” Brendon said, bringing his fingers up to his face to get what his tongue couldn’t. He stuck them in his mouth and sucked on them in the same fashion he did to Ryan’s dick before hand.

“God, Brendon,” Ryan said, staring at the sight before him.

“Yeah…” Brendon said leaning down and giving Ryan a kiss.

“Bren,” Ryan said lifting a hand to rub at Brendon’s erection through his flannel pajama pants, “At least let me return the favor.”
Brendon moaned as Ryan pressed harder.

“Ry…don’t.”

“Come on, Bren, it’s the least I can do,” Ryan said, pulling at the elastic band of Brendon’s pants.

“No, Ryan…” Brendon objected, pulling Ryan’s hands away.

“Oh come on, Bren, tell me the idea of my mouth wrapped around you doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

“I…It does, Ry, it does, but… I’m sorry.” Brendon sat up and pulled the curtain back.

“Bren.”

Brendon slipped out of the bunk and went into the bathroom, where he got rid of his little problem by himself.

Ryan was honestly wondering what was up with his boyfriend.

~*******************~

“Brendon…um…can I talk to you?” Ryan asked a few nights later when he and Brendon were sitting in the back lounge doing, nothing really.

“Yeah, sure, Ry.”

“Wait, hold on,” Ryan said, standing up to close the door. “Okay, now you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but…” Ryan said sitting down next to Brendon on the couch. “Baby, why can’t I ever touch you?”

Brendon stared nervously at his hands, “R-Ry, what are you talking about? We touch a lot.”

Brendon bit his lip, then released it, and started to rock back and forth slightly.

“No, I mean…wh-why can’t I ever, you know, like, touch you…below the waist?”

Brendon’s leg started to bounce, he started twiddling his fingers and his rocking had become slightly erratic.

“Are you okay baby? Bren I-”

“I’m sorry,” Brendon said before sprinting to the bunks.

Ryan sat in awe for a couple of seconds before going after Brendon. He opened the door slowly, and looked in. Brendon’s bunk had the curtain closed, but Ryan could hear the heavy breathing coming from behind it.

“Bren…Bren are you alright?” Ryan asked gently.

Brendon pulled back the curtain and ran to the bathroom, pushing Ryan out of the way in the process.

“Bren, wait!” Ryan got a door slammed in his face.

Ryan heard the water turn on and he saw the lights go out in the bathroom.

He knocked on the door, “Bren…” Ryan said in a barely audible whisper.

-No answer-

“Bren, please, you seemed really upset, just…talk to me.”

There was a long pause until Brendon answered, “Ry…just please give me a little time to myself
…I…I need to…um…cool off.”

~*******~

When Brendon came out of the bathroom it was as if his mood had made a complete 180. He plopped down next to Ryan on the couch as if nothing earlier had happened.

“So…what cha watchin’?” Brendon asked with a child like demeanor.

Ryan couldn’t believe the emotional change in his boyfriend.

“Bren, are you sure you’re okay? I mean…you were kind of…hectic, for lack of better words. But, if you ever need to talk-”

“I’m fine, Ryan. Can we please just drop it?” Brendon cupped Ryan’s cheek in his hand, “I’m okay…trust me.”

Brendon went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Ryan still was left wondering what was going on with his boyfriend.

"First Time" Can Mean Something Other Than Sex

2009-08-13T02:57:26Z

Title: “First Time” Can Mean Something Other Than Sex
Author: t_smallz
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: Pg-13
Summary: Teenage!Fic: Ryan get Brendon to try Jell-O-shots for the first time.
Disclaimer: The plot of this was based on what happened with me and a friend recently, other than that it’s fake!
Beta: My new Buddy: makeapanicscene

It was summer vacation and yet again, Brendon and Ryan decided to hang out. Ryan didn't live far from Brendon so when Ryan showed up at Brendon's door to ask him if he'd like to go back to his place, Brendon accepted. They spent a lot of time with each other but hey, they were best friends.

After arriving at Ryan’s house, both boys stood in little hallway next to the staircase. After taking off their shoes, Brendon watched as Ryan walked over to the pile of large coolers sitting near the kitchen. Ryan opened it up and Brendon was greeted with about one hundred little cups, like the ones they put ranch dressing in in pizza places.

“What flavor do you want?” Ryan asked, shoving a few of the cups into the pockets of his hoodie.

Brendon knew they were Jell-O shots. Ryan had told him how he and his mom had made about 1,000 of them to sell when they went on that one trip. Ryan also told him how they hardly sold any, and were left with three coolers worth.

“I don’t know,” Brendon said, trying to be quiet. He did not want to draw more attention to them then needed.

“Strawberry?”

Brendon nodded.
Ryan shoved a few more into his pockets before instructing Brendon to follow him upstairs.

There was a table conveniently located in front of Ryan’s door, so they both had to squeeze past it.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Ryan said, finally getting past the table and into his room.

“Yeah, it’s easy for you damn skinny people.”

“Shut up; you’re not fat.”

“Well, tell that…to my ass,” Brendon said, finally fitting past the table and joining Ryan in his room.

“Whatever.”

Ryan sat down at the head of his twin size bed, while Brendon sat at the foot with his feet dangling off the edge. Ryan reached into his pockets and pulled out all the little cups he grabbed from downstairs. Since his bed was right next to the window, he decided to set them on the windowsill.

“Okay, so this is how you do it.” Ryan reached over and grabbed an orange one and took the lid off of it.
“You want to swirl your finger around the outside edges,” Ryan proceeded to demonstrate.

“You can squish it a little bit. Then once it’s loose from the sides, you drink it really fast.” Ryan put the cup up to his lips, tilted his head back and drunk down the shot.
“Okay? Now here, you do it.” Ryan handed Brendon the strawberry one.

“If I mess this up I blame you. ‘Cause I’m probably gonna do this wrong.”

“Just do like I did.”

Brendon ran his finger around the outside edge like Ryan had done earlier, except his seemed to break apart easier. Once he got the Jell-O to not stick to the cup, he brought it to his lips.

“Is it gonna be gross?” Brendon asked, quickly having second thoughts.

“No, it’s gonna taste fruity. Just drink it.” Ryan opened another one and put it to his lips. “Okay ready?”
Ryan asked, going to drink one at the same time as Brendon.

“Sure…”

“Okay, one, two, three…”

Ryan drunk his down just fine then he looked at Brendon, who was chewing his.

“No! Don’t chew it. You’re just supposed to swallow it!”

Brendon had only chewed it maybe twice, but when he swallowed he could taste the bitter alcohol on his tongue.

“Blah!” Brendon made a noise at the back of his throat, obviously reacting to the nauseating taste from the concoction. It was followed by his tongue sticking out and making the funniest faces Ryan has ever seen.

“Why would you chew it!? I can’t believe…did you see me chew it!?” Ryan was laughing hysterically at Brendon because he was still on the other side of his bed making gagging noises and going “Eww!”

Once the initial shock of the awful taste in Brendon’s mouth went away, he continued to rant,

“That was gross, okay, that was not fruity and goodness and whatever the hell you said that was…eww.”

“It’s your fault you chewed it. You’re just supposed to swallow it.”

“Yeah, way to tell me that after I have it in my mouth…you make one pun out of that I kill you.”

Ryan smiled, “Man, I get buzzed really fast.”

“That was awful, Ryan, like I don’t understand how you drink this stuff.”

“What? Can you feel it running threw your body?”

“Yes, actually, and I’m all warm. If I puke, it’ll be on you.”

“You only had one.”

“Yeah, well what if my body rejects it? And I just throw up all over.”

“Eww, and there’s like, one giant lump just chilling there…”

Ryan laughed as he collected all the little cups and shoved them into his “Magic Box,” where he keeps his porn, condoms and sex toys. It’s a magical little land that Brendon’s only seen parts of. Those parts being furry handcuffs, a glow in the dark condom and a rainbow cock pop from Spencer’s (the store, not their friend,) but Brendon was sure there was more in there, but that’s for a later time to find out.

“I’ll be right back,” Ryan said. He found his way past the table that was in front of his door and ran downstairs.

Brendon sat on the bed, playing with Ryan’s cell phone that he left sitting there, his stomach feeling warm and awkward. The after taste still lingered in his throat. It was similar to a feeling he had before, but he couldn’t quite think of what it was.

“I’m back,” Ryan said, slipping through his door and plopping down on the bed. Ryan reached into his pocket and pulled out three more cups.

“I’m not doing it again,” Brendon said, glaring at the cups in front of him.

“They’re for me stupid.” Ryan smiled and lifted up his other hand.

“Ooo, Oreos!” Brendon got all excited. After drinking something he thought tasted like poison, Oreos looked very good.

“The cherry ones are my favorite,” Ryan said, opening the lid to his next shot. “Try it.”

“Um…”

“Just scoop some up in your finger.”

“I don’t want to break it.”

“You won’t.”

Brendon scooped a little onto his finger, although it took some time because it kept slipping off.

“It’s so good, try it.”

Brendon placed his finger between his lips and sucked the Jell-O off of it. “It taste like cough syrup.”

“It taste good.”

“You're weird.”

“Yeah well, I don’t do it ‘cause it tastes good. I just like the feeling.”

“You just said-”

“I meant drinking in general. I don’t drink ‘cause it tastes good, I drink cause I like how it makes me feel. Besides, I don’t like anything strong or hard liquor or anything. I usually just drink the fruity weak shit.” Ryan laughed and opened another orange one and drunk it down.

“That’s what they all say.” Brendon picked up Ryan’s phone and looked at the time, “Shit! My mom told me to be home an hour ago.”

“It’s fine, she knows you’re with me.”

“Yeah, but we’re supposed to be going on a ‘Family Outing’ and I have no clue when we’re leaving. So, would you mind walking me home?” Brendon put one of his adorable smiles on his face to add to the convincing factor.

“Yeah sure, Brendon.”

“You know I love you, Ry.”

“Whatever, come on before you’re grounded.” Ryan drunk down the other cherry shot he had brought upstairs with him, then proceeded to walk Brendon home.

~********~

Later that night when Brendon got home from the ever so boring trip to the museum, he saw that he had an E-Mail from Ryan.

“Dude, I drunk one of those strawberry Jell-O shots, it was so fucking strong. I understand why you were all “Eww!! Gross!” lol. The other ones are mad good, and FRUITY like I told you. I guess it was just your luck that for your first time you got to swallow the most disgusting one of the bunch. ;) ~wink wink~ lol. Well ttyl.”

Brendon smiled and remembered one of those elementary school sayings “First is the worst, seconds the best, third is the one with the treasure chest.”

Maybe his second time won’t be so bad…not that he’s ever trusting Ryan’s taste in alcohol again.

A/N: Yes this was totally what happened between me and one of my best friends, except written in slash form lol Can you guess who I was in this scenario? :-} But while it was happening I told my friend I had to write a fan fic about it, so I did. And you just read it… So yeah lol

Writer's Block: Bite Me

2009-07-27T23:40:34Z

From Dr. Polidori's Lord Ruthven to Stephenie Meyer's Edward Cullen, the annals of vampire lore are filled with attractive, charming bloodsuckers. Which one would you most want to be bitten by?

View 512 Answers

Pshh! Jacob Black's werewolf fangs! lol

Writer's Block: I Can Relate

2009-06-19T01:45:40Z

What fictional character do you most identify with?

View 505 Answers

Ryden lol

Hot Mess Tour!! /Cobra Cam!

2009-05-26T01:37:11Z

www.fueledbyramen.com/streetteam/ad.php

Writer's Block: Word for Word

2009-05-15T03:01:21Z

How many (if any) songs do you know by heart? What are they?

View 504 Answers

(God i haven't posted in so long...fics in process :) almost done, hopefully)

But, I know so many.
I swear my brain is programed for music.
I even know songs from the 90's when i was like, 4 lol.
5 bucks let a song come on i'll either start singing within the 1st 5 sec. or at least know the chorus.
:)

_T_Smallz

Sequal??

2008-06-15T00:24:55Z

It's comming.
I'm waiting for it to be excepted by the mods, so just keep an eye out.
:)

t_smallz @ 2008-06-09T20:02:00

2008-06-10T00:11:11Z

Title: My Cock-Slut Boyfriend
Author:
Rating: Hard R- NC-17
Paring: cockslut!Ryan and Brendon
Summary: Ryan want’s to suck Brendon off, and Brendon makes him wait until after the show.
Disclaimer: F-A-K-E!!!!!!!! Don’t get it twisted.
A/N: End of chapter.

The bus pulled up, and the boys stumbled off and into the venue to prepare for the show that night. They played show after show, followed by pointless interviews and stalker-like annoying fans. Tonight’s show was probably going to be no different. They wandered around aimlessly until it was time for sound check. Spencer was banging away on his drums, Jon was somewhere tuning a guitar, Brendon was near the side of the stage ~~playing~~ experimenting with Eric’s keyboard. And Ryan, well Ryan was staring at the beautiful creation that was heaven-sent to earth to be most girls', and guys', eye candy.... also known as Brendon Urie. Ryan was supposed to be tuning his guitar, so he jumped when Brendon was suddenly by his side asking him what he was staring at.

"Oh, um…nothing." Ryan blinked and fiddled with the strings of his guitar.
Brendon walked over to Ryan and gave him a small peck on the lips.
"You're lying to my face, Ryan." Brendon smirked and stepped closer to Ryan, a lot closer than Ryan could really handle at the moment.
"Uh, Bren, could you like…um…"
"Why is it so hard for you to just admit you think I’m sexy, Ross? I mean come on." Brendon turned around. "Have you seen this ass?" He asked, shaking his ass at Ryan as he did so.
Ryan smacked Brendon’s ass playfully.
"No, no, no, Ryan. Save the kinks for later," Brendon said, laughing as he went to the dressing room.
Ryan was left tuning his guitar, wondering what this later Brendon spoke of was.

~******************~

The show would be starting shortly, and they all filed into the dressing room to get ready. Ryan was shirtless near a rack of clothes in the corner, trying to figure out which floral patterned blouse he wanted to wear that night. Brendon snuck up behind him and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s waist.
"You know what, Ry?" Brendon started to place small kisses down Ryan’s neck and shoulders.
"Wh-what, Bren?" Ryan half-spoke, half-moaned as he leaned his head back onto Brendon’s shoulder.
"You should just go shirtless tonight. It’s a shame the world doesn’t get to see your beautiful figure."
Brendon bit lightly, leaving a small mark in the curve of Ryan’s neck.
"Bren…" Ryan said, reaching back to palm Brendon through his jeans. "I want...please Bren..."
"Ryan…we have a show we have to put on. You can’t just blow me right now."
"God damn it, please, Brendon," Ryan begged, turning around to face Brendon and kissing him.
Brendon ran his arms over Ryan’s shoulderblades and down his back to rest on his ass.
Ryan snaked his hands to the top of Brendon’s jeans, then continued downward to palm him again.
"Ry…god, Ry, we can’t right now," Brendon near-whispered.
"Bren, please, please…please, Bren. I want you. Please, I want your cock in my mouth. Please, Bren." Ryan slid down to his knees in front of Brendon.
"Ry, you can’t…"
"Mmm…Bren." Ryan stuck his tongue out and licked at Brendon’s erection through his jeans. Ryan twirled his tongue creating a large wet spot on the front of Brendon’s jeans. "Please let me, Bren. I want to taste you." Ryan looked up, eyes pleading.
Brendon almost gave in at the sight. Almost, but didn’t.
"Ryan, after…after the show."
"No, Bren, I want you now. Please don’t go, Bren."
"After the show, I promise you." Brendon pulled Ryan up and gave him a kiss before going to change his pants.

~**************************~

This was probably the longest show Ryan ever had to play. All he could think about was Brendon’s cock in his mouth, and all the things they could do after the show. Ryan was snapped out of his trance when Brendon came over, and Ryan realized this was where they were supposed to have a cute little mini-guitar battle. When the song was over, Jon started talking, and Brendon whispered something in Ryan’s ear that sounded like "Work that mouth, Ryan". This left Ryan confused until he noticed Brendon practically humping his guitar, with his hand over the strings, as if it were Ryan in front of him.
Brendon Boyd Urie! Stop!, Ryan mouthed at Brendon, and his actions subsided. Luckily, from the angle all of this took place at , the audience couldn’t tell what he was doing. Ryan was even more distracted now, and couldn’t stop staring at Brendon’s crotch. That is until he noticed something red fly into his view. One of the fans had thrown a red lace bra at Brendon, and it landed on his guitar. Ryan laughed because Brendon’s face turned the same shade of red, but he just continued to play. Their set finally ended and they went backstage where they signed a couple of autographs to some fans who were waiting there, but seemed pretty down to earth. Ryan kept a smile on his face, even though all he could think of was Brendon’s dick in his mouth. They got back to the dressing room, and Ryan couldn’t wait anymore. He slammed Brendon into the nearest wall and started to make out with him viciously, tongue and lips all over in one big passionate moment of pure lust and want.

"Ry, wait."
"No, Brendon, no. I waited long enough!" Ryan said as he unbuttoned Brendon’s pants
"No, I mean…shower…we should do this in th-the shower," Brendon panted, regaining oxygen from Ryan’s rather intense kiss.
"Ugh, fine, lets go." Ryan dragged Brendon by his wrists to the bathroom. During the trip there, Ryan managed to take off both of their shirts and get Brendon’s pants down to his knees. Ryan locked the door behind them and turned the water on to the perfect temperature. He once again dropped to his knees in front of Brendon and practically clawed his pants the rest of the way down before shoving his boxers down with them. Brendon proceeded to kick them off, and they landed in a pile near the door. Ryan stripped at lightning speed, his clothes joining Brendon’s in the corner.

"In, now," Ryan ordered. Brendon listened and hopped in. Ryan closed the curtain behind them.
"Fucking finally," Ryan said, stroking his hand over Brendon’s cock while kissing him, the water splattering off of their shoulders. Ryan shoved Brendon back up against the wall and sank to his knees. He looked up through wet bangs at Brendon, who had water splattering off his chest that sprinkled into Ryan‘s eyes, and licked his lips. Brendon let out a soft moan at the sight, which quickly turned into a loud moan when Ryan licked lightly at the head of his cock. Ryan just barely flicked his tongue at the sensitive flesh in front of him. Ryan wanted to savor every moment of this. He twirled his tongue faster tasting the salty taste of Brendon on his tongue. "Mmm, so damn good, B," Ryan moaned, and continued twirling his tongue until Brendon was pushing his hips forward, asking for more.

"Ry…come on." Ryan didn’t have to be told twice. He licked a long stripe along the underside of Brendon’s cock before taking the head into his mouth. Brendon twitched slightly above Ryan, and let out another low moan. Ryan sucked and sucked hard at Brendon’s cock. His cheeks hollowed due to so much swallowing.

"Fuck, your mouth Ry…god, more please..." Brendon laced his fingers in Ryan’s hair and urged him forward. Ryan followed and went down as far as he could go, taking almost all of Brendon into his mouth. He clenched his throat muscles around Brendon and twirled his tongue around, causing Brendon to pull at Ryan’s hair. When Ryan let out a moan, Brendon pulled his hand back. "Sorry, Ry."

Ryan pulled off, grabbed Brendon’s hand and put it back into his hair. "Who said I didn’t like it?" Ryan went back down, sucking twice as hard as before, earning moans, groans and other obscenities from Brendon, as well as a couple sharp tugs to Ryan’s hair which made him harder then he already was. "Mmm…" Ryan moaned around Brendon, enjoying every moment of this. Ryan pulled off a little more and sucked hard again at the head of Brendon’s cock, sucking drop after drop of pre-come into his mouth. This was probably the best tasting substance to Ryan. "Bren, you taste so good." He tongued at Brendon’s slit, causing Brendon to buck his hips forward. Ryan placed his hands on Brendon’s hips, preventing him from moving. The pressure, sure to leave bruises, caused Brendon to moan. "More, Ry…I’m so close..."
Ryan sucked his hardest, and pumped his hand faster and faster. He felt Brendon’s legs start to shake, and the grip in his hair tightened. "Mmm," Ryan moaned again.

"Fuck, Ry…god, Ry please, more. I’m gonna come. God, please let me come, Ryan, please," Brendon begged. Ryan sucked hard at the head again and continued to pump his hand faster and faster until Brendon spilled hot into his mouth, muttering "Thank you, thank you, fuck, Ry, thank you." Ryan swallowed it all and continued to suck Brendon through his orgasm. Contrary to his earlier belief, this was the best tasting substance to Ryan.
"Can I?" Brendon asked, referring to Ryan’s neglected cock.
"Yes, Bren, please." Brendon moved his hand up and down Ryan’s length, making him squirm and splash some of the water around. It wasn’t long before Ryan was coming in hot spurts across Brendon’s hand and his stomach, moaning so loud that anyone within a twenty feet radius of the bathroom would know what they were doing.

Once they caught their breath, Brendon helped Ryan up and wiped the hair from his eyes. He placed a feather-light kiss onto Ryan’s lips then whispered, "I love you". Ryan rested his head on Brendon’s shoulder and whispered, "I love you, too" back. Brendon squirted some shower gel onto the wash cloth that they brought with them and began washing Ryan’s back, his arms, his butt, his thighs, then leaned Ryan forward to wash his chest and stomach.
"It really is a shame the world doesn’t get to see this. You're so fucking beautiful," Brendon said, using the suds left on the wash cloth to wash himself off. Ryan again rested his head on Brendon’s shoulder, and they stayed like that until the water went cold.

~****************~

"Brendon!" Ryan yelled from his bunk the next morning.
Brendon came running into the room.
"What the hell, Ry?" Brendon asked, panting.
"Why the hell did you keep this?" Ryan said, picking up the red lace bra.
"Well, I was hoping maybe one day you’d let me fuck you in it. But… I don‘t really know if you’d be into stuff like that"
"Oh, really? Try me."

The End.

A/N: Feel free to comment, concrit. random love showing, or just random thoughts.
It’s all welcome.
Thank you for reading.

Writer's Block: Stolen Goods

2008-03-25T01:40:41Z

What is the most valuable thing you've ever had stolen from you?

View 500 Answers

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out.

i'm dead serious.

Writer's Block: Let Down

2008-02-23T22:54:10Z

Describe a moment when you were let down.

View 500 Answers

I had a cheerleading competition and my best friend, who joined a diiffernt squad that year, promised she would be there.
and this is my final year on the squad, so i really wanted her to be there.
So I'm at the front of the venuse we perform at (Same place i saw Paramore at :) )
And my 2 other friends who said they would be there show up.
and it goes like this:

Me: "Hey guys, where's Alicia?"
(Alicia is my best friend)
Them: "Oh...about her...
me: "Yeah...
Them: "She's at Coreys house...making out with him."
Me: "So she's with that ass whole! After he broke her heart...she picked him over me..."
Them: "THat's what we said...she was claiming she was sick."
Me: "Umm Hmmm...I'll remember that.

so that was the story...she ditched me for her BF and lied about it.
so...idk...i've pretty much forgiven her for and we're still cool.
she's at a comp. in Deleware right now.
<3
loves

A Beautiful Ending To Such A Tragedy

2008-02-18T19:13:49Z

Title: A beautiful ending to such a tragedy

Pairing: Ryden

Rating: R (Character Death)

Summary: Brendon sensed something wasn’t quite right…something slightly off with Miss Keltie. Ryan told him to stop trying to ruin their relationship; that he was just jealous because Ryan wasn’t fucking him. Well…that changed quickly.

Disclaimer: A/N: This was inspired by the song Wine Red by The Hush Sound; it’s explained why in the story.

Brendon saw the relationship Ryan and Keltie had. He didn’t like her very much, but Ryan was happy, and so, he was too.

He saw the way Ryan would smile when he was near her. The way when he'd play a new song he wrote (with her in mind), his face would light up and he would drift in the moment of it all. They were pretty fucking perfect. But Brendon sensed something wasn’t quite right…something slightly off with Miss Keltie. Ryan told him to stop trying to ruin their relationship; that he was just jealous because Ryan wasn’t fucking him. Well…that changed quickly.

The day Keltie broke young Ryan’s heart.

She said she wasn’t in love with him anymore.

She said they could still be friends, and Ryan just nodded before seeing her out and proceeded to cry in his room.

**********************************************************************

The next day Brendon noticed Ryan wasn’t his normal, happy self.

“Ry, what’s wrong?”

“You were fucking right.”

“Um…about?”

“About that bitch of a girlfriend I had.”

“Had? What happened?”

“She broke up with me…and…”

There was a brief pause…

“And…?” Brendon asked.

“And…she was fucking around…that fucking slut.”

“Ry, I’m sorry.”

Ryan just sat there and looked at his cup of coffee.He stood up and started to walk to the back of the tour bus, into the bunks.

“Ry, if you need to talk, I’m here…”

“Yeah, Bren.”

“I mean at least we’re on tour again right?”

“Yeah, Bren.” Ryan placed his cup in the sink and went to his bunk.

Brendon watched as this depressed and disoriented figure moved his way to the bunks and slammed the door.

He wondered if Ryan would ever get over this. It pained him to see him like this…all, not himself. Brendon wished he could just fix everything.

********************************************************************

Brendon went into Ryan’s bunk later that day, just to see if he wrote anything new in his notebook. Ryan was drinking his usual coffee. He opened it up and found little lines written down, nothing to extravagant, just words Ryan writes when he’s looking for inspiration. Brendon found some of the older ones, the ones that gave them some of the songs on their album, and just others, to be quite cute:

True love, isn’t a fairy tale. True love like ours is worth so much more than diamond rings.

In the middle of summer, all was golden in the sky.

But, some of the new ones Brendon found quite disturbing:

There’s no longer a reason for me to continue breathing.

I’ll become like my past and kill my pain with a bottle.

And some of the new ones Brendon found, just, saddening:

Her eyes lit up my world, now I’m left in the dark.

I’m not the person I used to be, she took that part of me with her.

Brendon started to cry, quietly.

He couldn’t believe Ryan was in this much pain.

Ryan came into the room and Brendon tried to act like he was fine… didn’t work.

“Brendon…what are you doing?”

“Just um…” he had to think up a decent lie here, “I was…listening to you I-Pod.”

Brendon picked the head phones up and put them into his ear.

Who shot the arrow in your throat? Who missed the crimson apple? And there is discord in the garden tonight..

“Wine Red…that’s a real bring-me-upper Ryan,” Brendon tried to lighten the mood.

“Give me the damn I-Pod and get the fuck out,” Ryan said, snatching his notebook from next to Brendon and reaching out for the I-Pod.

Brendon gave it over and saw mixed emotions in Ryan’s eyes as he did. A mix of anger and intense sadness filled the glazed, honey-amber colored eyes, that stared daggers through his sole.

Brendon could barley keep his own composure as he left the room and fell into a sobbing mess on the couch, hating to see his friend in so much pain. Brendon thought he’s starting to feel worse about this whole situation than Ryan is.

************************************************************************

Ryan’s mood hadn’t changed. In fact, his band members noticed it getting worse.

All he ever did was wake up, sit at the table, drink his coffee, then go into the abyss he called his bunk. He stayed there all day and didn’t talk to anyone. Just, scribblled in his notebooks and listened to his I-Pod.

Brendon started to get worried about him.

He creeped into the room, and pulled back the curtain to Ryan’s bunk slowly.

“Ryan? You okay bud?”

He sat next to Ryan, cautiously, hoping to maybe get somewhere with this.

“What the fuck do you think?”

Brendon just stared at Ryan and Ryan just stared at Brendon.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Ryan, come on. You’ve been so damn depressed lately. Please just tell me what’s on your mind.” Brendon brushed the hair out of Ryan’s face.

“Brendon…I…I really don’t think I can deal with this.”

“I’m here, I can help you.”

“I don’t think you can…it’s just…I feel so...alone.”

“It’ll help, keep going”

“I loved her…and she just…” Ryan’s eyes started to dwell up with tears.

Brendon gripped Ryan into a hug, holding onto him slightly.

Ryan took comfort in Brendon just holding him like that, he felt less alone.

“And I’m stuck on this damn tour bus all day, with nothing to do but be consumed by thoughts of her,” Ryan whispered into Brendon’s chest.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Brendon suggested.

“And just where are we going to go?” Ryan sniffled and sat up.

“…Away.”

When the bus pulled to a stop at the city where their show was tomorrow, Brendon and Ryan walked for about an hour under the dark sky to a small, hidden little park.

It was quiet and there was a small circle of trees that engulfed the two boys as they walked through it.. Finally arriving at the center of this secluded place, they looked around, taking it all in. There was a cliff about 100 feet away from them that over-looked the distance. They walked over to it.

“It’s so beautiful Bren.”

“I’m glad you’re showing an emotion other then depression.”

Ryan looked up with those eyes, the ones filled with so much hate, regret, sadness, and still even maybe a little love.

“I’m glad you care,” Ryan whispered and rested his head on Brendon’s shoulder.

Brendon wrapped his arm around Ryan’s waist and led him over to a tree that gave them an excellent view of the water down below, and they sat underneath it.

“Ryan, I want you to talk to me.. And I mean, really talk.”

“Well…what do you want me to say?”

“Just, how are you? Have you been doing any better whatsoever?”

“Yes…” Ryan inhaled, realizing that sounded faker than special effects in a horror movie.

“Ryan, don’t lie! I read your fucking notebook, now you tell me, now!”

“Why the hell would you do that? What I write in there is personal. Your eyes don’t need to be going through it!”

“Why Ryan? Too afraid someone might sense something’s wrong and try to help?”

“I don’t need your fucking help! I was fine before I knew you, I’ll be fine now.”

Ryan stood up and started to walk away.

“Ryan!” Brendon grabbed Ryan’s wrist, spinning him back around, facing him, “talk.”

“Brendon, let me go.”

“I’m not letting go.”

“Brendon please, just fucking let me go!”

By this time Ryan had tears sliding down his cheeks.

“No Ryan. I’m not letting you go. I’m not like everyone else who just leaves you all alone to fucking fend for yourself!” Brendon started to cry as well, talking through light sobs, “I’m here, I care. And no I didn’t have the right to read your notebook, but who knows where you’d be if I didn’t? Probably in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning. Is that what you want Ryan? To be like your father? I don’t want to loose you like that.”

Ryan started to break down, clinging onto Brendon as he completely fell apart, crying and sobbing in Brendon’s embrace.

“I…know. Brendon, I really can’t deal with this. It’s too fucking much. I felt so loved...and, and now I’m so, so fucking alone.” Ryan managed to get out in between sobs.

“You have me Ry,” Brendon said tilting Ryan’s head up so their eyes met.

Brendon brushed his thumb under Ryan’s eyes, wiping away the tears that fell. He leaned down and kissed Ryan’s lips, causing him to whimper a little. The sudden contact making Ryan feel…safe.

They pulled apart and Brendon said softly between them, “I hate to see you this way. You really break my heart Ross.”

“You know I’d never really…not like that anyway” Ryan said, referring to what he wrote in his notebooks about ending his life with a bottle.

“So you’d still commit suicide, just not like that, is that what you’re telling me?” Brendon asked in an angered voice that he tried to keep clam.

“I…yes I guess. Brendon, I just don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy. I see one of my best friends falling apart before my eyes.”

“I just feel like there’s nothing left.”

“All this just because Keltie left you?”

“That…and everything.”

“Continue,” Brendon grabbed Ryan’s hand and they sat back underneath the tree.

“I hate the pressure of having to deliver this album and I hate having to constantly be someone I’m tired of being and…the one thing that makes me happy, I’m afraid of driving away. But at the same time keep that thing at a distance.”

“That thing being?” Brendon asked as he snuggled his nose into Ryan’s hair. He smelled of vanilla and cinnamon; such a sweet smell, for a sweet, sad boy.

“You,” Ryan said, so quietly under his breath it was nearly inaudible.

“Me?”

“Yes, you. You actually care. You show obvious emotion towards me. And I…I love you for it.” Ryan said, the last part looking straight into Brendon’s eyes.

Brendon turned so that he was straddling Ryan, and leant down to kiss him, a little rougher than the first time.

“I love you too Ryan.”

Brendon placed his head on Ryan’s shoulder and Ryan tilted his head so that it rested in the crook of Brendon’s neck. He listened to Brendon’s heart beat and felt a sense of serenity.

Brendon sat up, “Come on,” he said and grabbed Ryan’s wrists.

They walked back over to the edge of the cliff and looked out at the water in the night air.

“I like the way the moon is scattered through the waves in the water, kind of like your soul,” Brendon said holding on tightly to Ryan.

“I want to be with you forever,” Ryan said, with all sincerity coming across clearly in his voice.

“I want to be with you forever too,” Brendon said looking down at Ryan and how happy he suddenly was.

He would never dream of taking this happiness away form him. Brendon finally took the frown away from Mister Ross’ face and replaced it with a smile. He truly wanted to be Ryan’s forever, but he knew Ryan wouldn’t be able to deal with the media vultures that would pry him apart. Brendon knew Ryan was private and someone trying to tarnish or pry into his personal life would hurt him equally as bad as he was hurt earlier.

Brendon started to sway with Ryan.

Just to the sounds of the wind, as they looked off into the distance.

Then Brendon started to sing, and did Ryan ever love his voice.

“The Sea is Wine Red; this is the death of beauty.”

“I love you Brendon,” Ryan said, listening to his beautiful voice.

Brendon held onto Ryan tightly as he careened both of them off the edge of the cliff.

“I love you too. This way we’ll be together forever,” Brendon said to Ryan as they fell to the rocky ice waters below.

Together forever, never loosing the smiles, and never alone.

A beautiful ending to such a tragedy.

Writer's Block: It's Hard to Describe

2008-02-18T02:22:42Z

What is one thing you struggle to describe?

View 500 Answers

They way i feel about things.
How i perseve things.
The way i feel towards certain people.
In general emotions.

Which You Probably Won't Know...

2008-02-17T05:53:40Z

My little heart gets broken quite easily.
It's fragil and frail.
But, you probably wouldn't think that.
When was the last time you saw me cry?
Not in a very long time.
So the fact I'm shedding tears over this should say something to you but does it?
No!
Because it's a matter of money, not a matter of emotion.
Which is why i tend not to show any.
So obviously you enjoy seeing me in pain.
Enjoy making me miserable, getting my hopes up and smashing them to millions of little pieces.
I FUCKING DON'T!
I hate going through these preventable roller-coasters of emotions because your too stupid to listen to one damn thing i have to say!
So, no i don't think this is stupid, because this is the only thing my life consists of and you should be ashamed of your self for trying to take that away.

I don't take away your ciggarettes
i don't take away your Poker
i don't take away you Horse Racing
I don't take away your late night trips

I don't ask for very much
But to you i do, because it's all about costs.
Never about who truely pays the cost.

I really wish you could understand how badly this hurts me.
But i wouldn't dare cry in front of you. Allow you to see how baldy you've broken me down.
And whenever i try to just flat out tell you.
you avoid the situation and tell me to go elsewhere.

I'm glad your not here tonight, and your out somewhere else (Avoiding me as usual)
Cause I'd through up at the sight of your face.

You disregarde what makes me happy
By being a master pacrastinator
Well, guess what?
You've put me off for too long.

So, don't balme me when you find out things about me you wish you never knew.
because really, the balmes on you.

Yes, something so simple, that you just won;t give to me.
Means the world to me dad.
This one concert is all...yes i know...such a small thing causes so much drama you're thinking...
But when you devote your life to music, so much that your grades drop, you forget to do outside of school work, homework is less important, you've lost contact with some of your friends, loose closeness with your family, and really lost all want for anything other than music.
Trust me, it;s as if your...wrapping the nuse around me kneck and dangling me from a tree, when you say i can't go see this show...
you really wouldn't get it, becuase your so nieve and so self-centered...
i mean, it's not that i'm not greatful for all i've been given..it's that when you feel you only have one thing to truely live for, you have to live it out to the fullest.
you have to experience every part of it you can.
but you really wouldn't get that.
You just continue to work your crap-ass job, doing something you hate, wanting me to turn out better.
But how can i turn out better when you discuriging everything i've ever believed in.
telling me i'll never make it?
you just really DON'T get it.
and you never will,
One day you'll open your ears and truely hear me.
THe pain in my voice, from being so obssessed and having everything torn away form me.
i probably sound like a stupid spoiled bitch, but...
this means so much to me, and for you to laugh at it like it;s nothing and block me out and go do something else...how am i supposed to react?

Well, you really don't get this...
maybe when your not able to do something that means the equiviant of life to you...
or maybe when you even find something that means the equivilant of life to you...
you'll understand me!

T_Smallz
2-17-08

Young Wild Things Tour!

2007-11-20T22:27:17Z

so the Young Wild Things Tour...

WAS AWESOME!

AMAZINGLY GREAT I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU!

BUT I WILL...

So, i get there and it's lie FREEZING cold and i have on capris and i have to wait in line b4 i can go inside and the line goes in front of the arena, around the corner and down the side of the arena. i finally get in and i have GA elevated tickets so i get to sit up there wherever, and i sit at the closet possible seat available to the stage. i had good seats though.

so CIWWAF played first, they were awesome, i only knew their single so i only rocked out to that song, but they were fun to wath, so energetic. no one near me knew the words so they were all stairing at me. i was thinking if your going to see a band, at least know the single!:yes:

Then PLain White T's Played.

they had some SERIOUSE diehard fans there man.

The crowd went crazy when they came on.

When they played hey there Delilah, you could hear the crowd over them. I rocked out when they played Our Time Now, it was cool.

Then Gym Class heroes played after them and they SET IT OFF! it was so crazy like the crowd was loosing it for them.

i was like the only one were i was sitting that knew the words to ANY of the songs played so far ecept 4 hey there delihla...

They played Cupids Chokehold 1st and i was having a ball singing with that song.

And Travis was all "If ur sexy and you know it clpa your hands...If your sexy and you know it clap your hands...If your sexyandyouwanttomakeoutwithmeinthetourbusaftertheshow clap your hands"

god i loved him even more after that!

Then he went on about how they don't make girls anywhere else like they do in upstate new york, that we're all so sey, but he was looking for the Queens that night then they played the queen and i!

They did a song dedicated 2 all the parent there that night.

Travis was all "Okay, you know what parents you should be proud of yourselves for doing this 4 your kids. I want you guys to take a day off tomarro. Don't go to work just sit at home watch football or lifetime movies whatever you do...you deserve it!" it was cute!

They played Shoot down the stars, which was cute cause he talked about how his brother or cousin had just died and then he was all "Damn i miss him, we'll always remember him"

and then he played a little bit of music for us to dance too cause "we weren't the Rochester he remembered."

so we all got up and danced to a lil intrumental.

A lil bit later they played clothes off nad right before they played the song, Travis was all "You know what, it's getting a little hot in here...and desperate times call for desperate measures..." and he started stripping on stage! <omg> Then they played clothes off, and towards the end, Patrick comes Prancing, literally prancing, onto the stage and sang with them! <I went teenie 4 Patrick> i mean i was screaming so damn loud! omg!

Then FOB came on and i was loosing my last mind. I was unleashing teenie screams form here to england (You might have heard me) lol!

Then Andy played the begining of SWGD and we all screamed, then he stopped...Then he did it agaon and we screamed and he stopped...then he did it again and we screamed and they all started playing and the giant curtain fell so we couls see the stage and we ROARED with sheering and then i rocked out some more.

I was having so much fun but the people around me were not even moving like...the people near me stood there and watched, they didn't jump, head bang, or even sing the words. I was jumping, head banging, screaming along with Patrick...it was so cool.

When they played Grand Theft Autumn, these 2 girls near me looked at me like i was crazy when they started singing and i sung with them, they had NO CLUE What they song even was!

THey were there for Pete and only Pete! During the part where it goes "He wont find out..." Tom from Plain White T's came on and sang with Patrick. that was cool.

Whrn they did this ain't a sceen the screens had the words pop up in big letters "GOD- DAMN- ARMS- RACE!"

AND WHEN Patrick stopped singing the crowd was saying it so loud! And right before the chorus cut in, HUGE pyro flames went off, it was sooooo cool! And Travis came out and rapped in part of it...

i felt bad for Andy cause i was in Arena seats and i could feel the heat from those things and he had them on either side of him...

Pete started a mosh pit!

He called someone out form the back, i forget who, and he went out into the crowd and formed a mosh pit.

Like this thing was fucking huge dude, like imagine 2-3 public swimming pools put together...that big!

Then before their cover of mister Brightside, Pete was all

"Have you ever looked through you bf or gf's cell phone to see who they've been texting?" like 30 people raise there hands..."There's more of you than that, put your hands in the air you fucking liars!"

he was mad funny!

After he was all "You know how Travis told you to take a day off, well when you boss comes calling asking where you are be like "Travis said take a day off Fuck You" and hang up!"

lol! i love Pete!

They played no body puts baby in a corner acoustically... so awesome! They played the after life of the party, me and you, our lawyer mad us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued, dance, dance, XO, WELL, the set list is on icecreamheadaches: {url="http://icecreamhdaches.livejournal.com/229546.html#cutid2"}limk{/url}

they didn't play all of the songs on there but it was pretty close...

Then they ended it with Saturday and i almost cried cause it was so cute!

Patrick sang his heart out, Pete <took his hoodie off>& went into the crowd to scream his part, and it was amazing!

and as he was screaming and Patrick was singing, confetti* POURED onto us! I really almost cried! Pyro was going off like crazy and was being stared at for jumping up and down!

Then the song came to an end and Pete took his shirt off <yes, I went teenie for Pete Wentz, but he actually looked good that night!>

Then i grabed a piece of confetti and brought it with me,

OMG! On the way out, Demar and Mike from PWT's walked past my car, like they were so close to me, they went to their tour bus and were all "Nobody's there...:" i felt kinda bad for them until these people just walked up into the bus!

most people were at the FOB bus!

i didn't get home until 2am. and had to wake up at 6! i was not happy!

BUt i loved it and i wish i could follow them around the States on tour...it would be a thrill of a life time!

i wish i got 2 go 2 the secret show2, that would've made me ecstatic

IT WAS AMAZINGLY AWESOME!

Writer's Block: Pickup Artist

2007-11-15T01:48:38Z

What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard?

View 500 Answers

"Is it hot in here...or is it just you?"
"It's hot in here..."
"No, I think it's you."
"yeah..." :|

Writer's Block: Happy Halloween!

2007-11-04T03:11:57Z

I went Trick-Or-Treating with my friend Liz!
They were giving out FULL Sized Candy Bars.!!!
I was ATTEMPTING, but miserably failed at Scene Queen!
Liz was a gypsy!
and we went up to this house into which was having a party and there were some hot guys there from our school and Liz felt so embarressed she just stood there. I was all "I'm glad I atleast look normal."

Boo! How did you celebrate Halloween?

View 500 Answers

Writer's Block: Happy Halloween!

2007-10-30T21:04:35Z

Boo! How did you celebrate Halloween?

View 500 Answers

sitting alone, dressed up as sum vampire/scene queen. giving kids candy and watching horror movies eating popcorn and candy!

This sounds like SOOO much fun... :(

Paramore Concert 10-25-07

2007-10-27T01:11:53Z

Yo, my Paramore concert last night pwned so hard! It was amazing! Apparently we were the 2nd stadium they played Fences at.

Well, when i got there me and my sis went to the arena seats but hen i was all "Lets go tto the pit"
So we went down there and we were trying to find one of her friends, so when we did find her we had to scoot and push through the hole crowd, which was not easy. So when we got here, Set Your Goals was playing and i din't really know their music, so i was just kinda head banging, But they has some seriouse die hard fans there.

And there was rediculuse crowd surfing and mosh pits! It was awesome. My sis (Who's 4 years older than me!) couldn't handle it so she made me go up into the stands when the Starting Line played. We stayed down there for Set Your Goals, but she didn't expect all the craziness.

So when Starting Line was over we went back to the pit and had to puch our way through sooo many people to get back to the front. They played stuff off of both Riot! and All We Know is Falling. My sis only knows Emergency and Misery Buisness so she was kinda lost the whole comcert.
I was jumping and head banging and throwing crowd surfers and puching the people in the mosh pit (My sis wouldn't let me join um.) And it was my first concert and I will never forget it! PLus i get to say i rocked out harder thena an 18 year old (I'm 14 btw)

My throught hurts from singing and screaming the whole time, they just own that hard! IT was amazing! <is dead>

Today was competition day!

2007-10-14T03:00:07Z

So today was the Try-Valley cheerleading competition, and i cheer for Rome Colts.
We went on the mat and my stunt group didn't go up on the second lift and then in the cheer i did the part my coach took out.
So when we got back up in the stands i started crying cause if we lost i knew it was gonna be on me. Then Westmorland, the team we competed against, was on the mat and i was watching them, and started crying harder because they were awesome and they got every stunt group up. And they were really together.
Then i calmed down a little bit and watched Ilion perform (We didn't compete against them)
Then Frankfort came out and kilt it. I watched like two seconds of they're rutine and looked away crying on Deminica's shoulder because i knew we were going to come in dead last.

SO my coaches got me to calm down and coach Chris told me "You already a winner in my book. Dependability remember?" "Yeah" "It doesn't matter if you loose, you didn't quit, you went out there and you gave it your best" "Ok."

Eventhough it was still hard not to be upset.

Then it came time for judging, after i did the YMCA and the Soulja Boy dance. And the coaches did a pretty good rutine they made up together...OMG! Barb flew. ok? I mean you shoulda seen us screaming "Go Barb! Wooooo!"

We were sitting on the mat (Very crowded) and the man was announcing all the placments and who was moving on to Rochester for all the littler teams. All of our other Rome teams went on to Rochester.

Then it was our divison and we all huddled together, hands linked, heads bowed.
I told everyone, don't even think about Rochester, cause when we loose it will hurt that much more. And i knew we were gonna loose, sure we were smiling and we jumped together, but one of our stunts didn't go up and I messed up, and that's gonna get more points taken off then just the few bobbles the other teams had.

The man gets on the Mic. "Jr. Midget Large Novice Placement........" {Very long pause}
;**
****
****
***
***
***
****
****
****
****
*****
*****
*****
*****
******
******
******
******
*******
*******
*******
*******
*******
*******
*******
******
******
******
******
*****
*****
*****
*****
****
****
****
****
***
***
***
***
**
*
Us: "Come on already"
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
The man: "Jr. Midget Large Novice Placement...."
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
I'm waiting for Rome to come out of his mouth, i can visualize the man saying "Placment.....Rome"
Then we do the fake "WOOOOO...Yay, we took last!" cheer.
[{[[[
[
[
[
[
[
[
[
[
[
[
[
[
"WESTMORLAND!"

Me: "What...OMG...OMG...OH, MY, GOD! Guys, he just said Westmorland...OMG!"

i WAS ABOUT TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK!

My expressoion on my face was priceless. I can't even describe the feeling i had.

Then he was announcing again "Jr. Midget Large Novince...placement."
Well, we knew this was us when he said placement. Cause I don't care how good we were, we weren't gonna beat Frankfort regardless.
"Placement...Rome!"

And i was happy, because i really honestly thought we were gonna take third. and yes, i cried again and i was in shock and i couldn't believe we beat Westmorland. and it's not like loosing to Frankfort is a bad thing...it's Frankfort, they kick our ass every year! And they deserve it!

I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo X infinity

happy because it's my last year on Pop-Warner and i really wanted to win, and the thought of taking last, was very real.
So, it was a seriouse moment when we took 2nd...and we took 2nd...that's the highest i've ever won being on the squad!

Plus, we had this really cute fake hair pieces, i love them.

So, i can now say, I'm proud of Rome!
We did our best and i can see that. so.....Hell yes we took 2nd....but we won so much more.

I miss the squad already, mainly because it was alot of our last years cheering and I'm not gonna see most of them for 2-3 years (massive age difference)

after all, we were a family!
(One voice, one sound, one family, #1)

srry, i'm emotional writing this...

love you guys! mwahhhhhhhhh xoxoxoxo!

Now I'm "Calling You"

2007-10-13T04:44:20Z

To: He knows!

How do you know just what to say?

How do you make me smile the way you do?

I can't say you broke my heart, it wasn't really whole to start with, but the mangled pieces beat ONLY for you. We can see past the outsides of eachother, we know the depths of eachother.

I want you in my life forever. No, we're not the dream couple our friends would like us to be...Hell in the words of my friends i don't belong with a "FREAK". and your friends probubly feel the same way (About me).

How, shallow is that? In my oppinion they're the freaks, they can't see past someones outer appearence! Go get a FAKE tan and FAKE nails, to add to the oh so spolied almost perfect life that you make out to be so pathetically terrible. (No matter how hard we want to believe it, no ones life is perfect.) So i guess my lies been found out.

But, you...you make all my problems...( excuse me, what problems...?) go away. (You make the secrets come out and i can REALLY tell you the problems i hide from the world.) There's something about you, that I can't explain, that makes me...speechless. Srry to quote Fall Out Boy but, "I love everything about you that hurts."

Hell, I lOVE YOU!

listen!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6EZvuyYpzk

Currently Obsessing over this song!

2007-10-12T22:06:56Z

The Medic Droid: Fer Sure

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZa6BKVMsXQ

OMG...I love this remix!

2007-10-10T00:02:52Z

Just Click The Link!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rYzIqGnJBY